FROM: Vanetil P. Godsbane; Director, EAC Societal Subversion Department TO: All Conspirators RE: Update on EAC activities as of January 2001
I am pleased to report that the 2000 fiscal year was our most successful yet. Not only has atheism taken tremendous strides all over the world, we are still in complete control of all media (including television, newspapers, radio and the Internet), all corporations, and all governments. Our latest fleet of mind-control satellites, employing the new high-frequency wave emitters that can penetrate tinfoil hats, is now in orbit and fully operational; our black-helicopter-riding paratrooper armies are ready to strike on command; and all our false puppet churches continue to make inroads in luring True Christians away from the flock. (If we have to go to Hell when we die just because we hate God and can't stand the thought of submitting to his judgment, then damn it, we're taking as many people with us as we can!) Our icy cold, multi-tentacled grip is rapidly tightening around the entire Earth, preparing for the time of the Rapture, when all True Christians will be whisked away into Heaven, leaving absolutely nothing between us and our goal of complete world domination!! Best of all, those God-believing theistic fools still don't have any idea that we control everything!!! Muahahahaha!!!!
In other news, I'd like to announce that Judy down in Marketing is expecting her baby within two weeks. I'm asking everyone to wish her well (but be careful not to pray - your official EAC Employees' Handbook is very clear on the penalty for that, as you all know). Remember, everyone, it's the little people like her that keep this whole organization running smoothly.
Now then, it is with pleasure that I bring you a summary of EAC activities throughout the past year. Be sure to congratulate our operatives in the field, who met or exceeded key goals in the following areas:
1. The EAC Department of Televangelism had a banner year, raking in millions of dollars' worth of donations from gullible believers and thus safely diverting it from being wasted on food for the hungry, cures for disease and other nauseatingly good causes. The cash they bring in, which makes up a large percentage of the EAC's operating budget, was used to launch three new mind-control satellites and complete work on the holy-symbol-seeking cruise missiles, as well as pay the salaries of our hardworking torturers counselors in the EAC Department of Forcible Indoctrination, who managed to "deconvert" several thousand fundamentalists in the last three months alone. And that's just with the donations from widows and orphans alone! Keep up the great work, guys!
(Some of our newer members may be shocked to hear that the televangelists are all our agents. Don't be. Have you ever watched one of those broadcasts and seen the ridiculously opulent splendor their studios are set up in, even though they claim to follow a book that advocates poverty? Haven't you heard about the way they indulge their every vice with money cheated out of hard-working, honest believers? You don't really think True Christians could be such hypocrites, do you? It takes atheists to reach such depths of depravity!)
2. The EAC Department of Time Travel, Temporal Restructuring Division, put in a lot of overtime with our new time machines to reshape history as our dastardly wills see fit. High praise goes out to all of them for all the work they did in the years following Noah's Flood to clean up the geological evidence, scrub the high-water marks off the pyramids and sort all the fossils back into their "proper" order. Thanks to you guys, the Department of Evolutionism is looking to experience some smashing successes in debates. Those creationists won't be able to stand against all our overwhelming "evidence" anymore! (On a regrettable side note: I'm not naming names, but one of you stepped on a trilobite during the Cambrian and left a footprint behind. You know who you are, and I hope you'll properly regret your mistake after the EAC Department of Forcible Indoctrination gets through with you.)
Also, guys, I admire your initiative in going back to Jesus' time and posing as the "Pharisees" in an attempt to stifle him. I really do. But when you couldn't shut him up, why'd you have to go the extra mile and get him crucified?? Please read the Old Testament prophecies more carefully before you do something like that again!
3. The EAC Department of False Puppet Churches, Jehovah's Witness Division, had a solid year, as always. By going door-to-door at the most inconvenient hours and annoying people by bombarding them with unwanted preaching, they helped to foster that festering dislike of religion so vital to our plans. And the pamphlets they give out? You might think they could sway people towards Christianity, but embedded in the text are hypnotic brainwashing patterns from the EAC Department of Mind Control!! Muahahahaha!!!
4. The EAC Department of Bible Revision has done some great work, almost seamlessly inserting new passages containing all-new atrocities, contradictions and absurdities into the latest edition of Scripture. (Of course, the fact that we control all the world's printing presses might have something to do with that, huh? ) Particular works of note include Jesus' irrational and bizarre cursing of the fig tree, some terrific new erotic poetry in Song of Solomon, and an entirely new chapter in Genesis that contains a creation story in a totally different order from the original! Keep up the good work, guys, and soon we may be able to drive the last few True Christians toward atheism. After all, as I know you're fond of saying down there, how could a book so riddled with errors and inconsistencies possibly be from God?
5. The EAC Department of Vote-Rigging turned in a stellar performance during the 2000 American presidential election. As you all know, installing George W. Bush in the office is our most devious plan yet! While he seems in every respect to be a True Christian, in reality he's doing exactly as we command him to do. Our crafty "faith-based initiatives" plan will soon be in full swing, giving taxpayer money to churches to subsidize their preaching and other religious activities. Make no mistake, after a few egregious violations are discovered, strict laws and auditing procedures will be enacted to ensure no more money is misspent, thereby entangling church and state in an inextricable mess. Soon, churches will be overwhelmed with paperwork and bureaucracy and subsumed into the government entirely! And as we all know, when church merges with state, the citizenry rapidly loses interest in it. Just look at the results of the similar plan we've already carried out in Sweden, where attendance in the state-sponsored church is plummeting through the floor. Soon America, one of the few last bastions of fundamentalism in the world, will be ours!
6. And last but not least, I'd like to toot my own department's horn a bit. The EAC Societal Subversion Department has done some amazing work in the American Bible Belt, managing to drive divorce rates there over 50% above the national average! I have to admit it wasn't easy, since True Christians are ordinarily almost invulnerable to the moral decay we've managed to insert into every other sector of society. Left to their own devices, they never beat their spouses, commit adultery or abandon their children. However, our operatives, posing as preachers, cunningly persuaded young people to fear and despise their own sexuality and jump into marriages they weren't ready for without any support or counseling, thereby ensuring our success. Unfortunately, theists in the community have noticed these results, if not realized the cause, and are calling for more church and more preaching to reverse it. Our actions will be scaled up accordingly to combat this worrisome trend.
Well, that about wraps up my report for this month. In closing, I'd like to extend my own special congratulations to our operatives in the so-called "ACLU," who have managed yet again to fight off the efforts to merge church and state. Way to go, guys! If left to their own devices, the fundamentalist Christians would establish a theocracy where the breaking of Biblical laws was punishable by death, and where would we be then?
Oh, yes - and for those of you who asked, the airlifting of our headquarters from Redmond to Babylon is almost complete. Soon the EAC Department of Mad Scientists will have the subcutaneous identification/tracking/commerce chips ready, bringing our top-secret Project Phoenix into its final stages.
Until next time, fellow conspirators, keep up the good work, and remember: Coranon silaria, ozoo mahoke.
Remember, the Evil Atheist Conspiracy doesn't exist. However, if they did, I might be able to pass some feedback along to them.
DISCLAIMER: You did not read the above, and this page does not exist. In the time it has taken you to read this, your computer is now fully under our control and your location has been triangulated. Black helicopters will be arriving at your house shortly.
Nothing is more cathartic than a good Conspiracy Theory. Outrage at the government, fear over the economy, unhappiness with the way the country is being run, can all be eased with a great big tinfoil hat wearing, humdinger.
I'm not saying there is no truth behind this or other conspiracies. In fact this sort of thing often does have many kernels of fact behind it. The ridiculous part is the way it is built up in to a giant Illuminati driven drama. Saying our government is corrupt and politicians do a lot of self serving, dirty things that are bad for us, is completely true. Saying an ancient cabal of Freemasons and Templars are controlling our destiny is less convincing.
I don't believe in these grand conspiracies but I do respect the creators of them in one respect. They are diligent and dedicated. If there were reporters with half the dedication trying to uncover real corruption, this country would be in a lot better shape.
This was the result of a conversation with Rebbecca from TX on Comforts Blog.
Rebbecca said: "You can believe whatever you want, rational or irrational. You can say I believe that a little green man is responsible for the universe so I just demonstrated that it does not have to be God, but that does not make your option reasonable, probable, or possible."
My response: You do realize that saying that a little green man is responsible for the universe is exactly the same as saying God is. Just sayin'.
As to infinite regression I have it, it was an epiphany but I have how space can be eternal without infinite regression. It does force me to rethink my cyclic universe theory but I can live with that.
Causation requires that identities exist. Without identities there can be no causation. Events are function of causation without causation there are no events. In the absence of identities there can be no causation therefore no events. Space/Time is existent as a non material identity. However it is a singular identity, causation requires that multiple entities exist. A single identity can not result in causation therefore no events. The law of non contradiction states that "no events" can not be "an infinite number of events", demonstrating that an infinite number of events did not happen prior to the beginning of the universe even though space time was existent.
Quantum vacuum friction which can produce particles in the absence of a cause, results in a particle being formed from space. Non material space produces a material sub atomic particle. Now there are multiple entities space/time and a particle. Causation now begins, events happen, and time becomes relevant.
Now that events have begun the interaction of space/time and the particle produce more quantum events, which produce more, in an exponential cascade, culminating in the entirety of the universe. This would be the initial singularity. That one first particle.
Therefore space/time is fully capable of being eternal because in the absence of causation, infinite regression does not apply. As I stated earlier space/time is a something, it is non material but not nothing, it can exist eternally and has the potential to create material entities from the non material.
Cool! Infinite regression handled. The question of what came before, handled. The problem of the first cause reasonably speculated. Laws of physics, not violated. Laws of logic looking pretty. That is a darn good five minutes of thinkin'.
I love spring in my city. Winter here is depressing, it is rainy and damp and the gray soaks up all of the other colors. For half of the year from late fall to early spring it is all gloom. The other half however is glorious.
From spring to fall I am surrounded by beauty. We are a town of trees and rivers and ponds and hills. Ok only one river but it winds it's way though town so that it is hard to be far from it. We have bike paths and foot paths and hiking trails and rocks to climb and parks of all sizes and varied purposes. My family tends to make the most of it.
Yesterday we took a "walk". Since we walk frequently just because, deliberately taking a walk means more than a quick stroll, it is an all day adventure. We have a river walk which covers most of the city and the midpoint is a few blocks from my house. We walked to the park where the trail starts and I immediately began to remember why I love my city so much. I tend to forget over the winter. Our entire street is overhung on both sides with elms, maples and poplars mixed in with all of the fir trees. There are roses, tulips, and magnolias filling the air with enough perfume to make you dizzy.
The park was crowded but it is that happy kind of spring crowded. Kids playing frisbee and riding the swings. Teens and adults sunbathing or playing soccer, dogs running, little ones feeding the geese and ducks. Happiness.
Our walk for the day took us out around a wetlands preserve. It used to be an old quarry, with several gaping gravel pits. It has been turned into ponds and marshes which serve as habitat for herons, coots, osprey, bullfrogs, pond turtles, the ubiquitous geese and ducks, even some bald eagles. There is wildlife everywhere. To one side you can see houses and apartment buildings, malls, and offices. On the other a wilderness teaming with life. I think the dissonance makes it more beautiful than if it were truly wild.
It was slow going. Every few minutes we stopped and looked at some animal or another. My son who is six caught a ladybug that he insisted needed to come home with us to live on our roses. At one point we spent fifteen minutes trying to find the log with the most turtles. It had thirteen, my wife was smart enough to bring binoculars. At another my son and I climbed down a little embankment to walk on the shore and play king of the mountain on a large boulder. My nine year old daughter who currently has a broken wrist joined us after I crawled back up to help her safely down. My wife preferred to stay up and watch us but eventually she was too tempted and came down as well.
Eventually we reached our goal, a trail let us out near a little shopping center where my wife needed to buy some supplies for her Girl Scout troop. That was the excuse for our walk. We just overlook the fact that it would only have been a ten minute drive. We bought her supplies and some frozen lemonades and headed back to the trail on the other side of the river for another two hour walk home.
No matter what my situation is, angry, bad, sad, frustrated, whatever. Taking a walk by the river, in the spring, with my family, fixes everything.
The newest topic on Comforts blog involving a fundy chick named Rebbecca telling all of the Atheists that they have to prove how the universe came to be or God wins by default. I'm paraphrasing but that is the gist of it. I actually want to answer her. Unlike some of them I don't think she is playing games, I think she is just too stupid to understand what is wrong with her argument. Of course Ray made a topic out of it because he is playing games. I rewrote my origin of the universe theory and presented it to her as clearly as I could in hopes that even if she won't admit it she might become slightly less stupid.
I am reposting it here because 1. It's my blog so I can and 2. because I have cleaned it up a lot and like it better. I am thinking of writing an Atheism for Dummies type book. Something that presents a lot of useful information geared for us non scientists. Plus plenty of my generally unpleasant observations about Christianity and other woo.
Here is part of my reply to Rebbecca.
Christianity makes a positive assertion, actually several, but one will do for discussion. This is "God exists" Atheists respond with "I don't believe that." This statement is the only thing that is true for Atheists. We, as a group, do not say "you are wrong" or "you are lying" or "God does not exist", we simply don't believe what you have asserted. Therefore the only thing we are obligated to prove is that we don't believe it.
Some atheists are also scientists and make assertions for which they are required to provide proof. That is however science not atheism.
If instead of saying "there is a God" you were to say "I believe there is a God" that would only be a statement of your belief and your only obligation would be to prove you believe it. I would accept as proof of that the simple fact that you say so. Likewise if instead of saying "I don't believe in God" I said "there is no God" then I would be obligated to prove God does not exist. That is not what I say.
I have said similar things before and when called on it I acknowledge that I was wrong. I have at times stated the Christian God is false and I will back that up with evidence. However such times as I have asserted that there are no Gods at all has either been an error or hyperbole and in both cases I will happily admit so if someone mentions it.
Contrary to what you might think Atheists can have beliefs about many things. Atheists are not a unified group and the only thing we share is the common lack of belief in Gods. Aside from that we have a variety of beliefs. Two types of Atheistic, and also Deistic, thought are scientific naturalism also called methodological naturalism, and Philosophical naturalism.
The first is the assumption that nothing can be believed unless it is backed by empirical evidence. A scientific naturalist is skeptical of everything for which there is no logical or scientific explanation. Not proof necessarily because proof is a rare thing to the scientific mind but evidence supported explanations. The second kind, philosophical naturalists, which I am, believe all sorts of things as long as they don't conflict with scientific evidence. For example if I wished or were convinced I could have belief in a God or Gods as long as no claims were made about them that could be shown incompatible with evidence. Deists for the most part share this worldview as do many Agnostics and Atheists such as myself.
Now as to the question about what I believe. Note this is a statement of belief, these things are well supported by science but they are not proven even by experts, which I am not. I state them as a belief.
I believe the universe is not a creation at all. For something to be a creation it must be known as a product of intelligence. The universe has not been shown to be such a thing.
As to it's origin I believe at the very least that "Space" has existed eternally. This in no way conflicts with the evidence available. It is not universally agreed upon but it has not been scientifically challenged. Space is something, science shows that space has structure, shape and obeys rules. Therefore while non material it is not nothing.
According to quantum mechanics in the absence of anything material space could experience a phenomena which is called quantum vacuum friction. This phenomena has been shown to spontaneously create particles. In an infinite universe of space devoid of anything material this phenomena could as Ray puts it have created everything from nothing. Of course it is not creating anything from actual nothing since space is something. What it would be doing is creating the material from the non material, which is exactly what most Christians claim about their God.
Could quantum vacuum friction be a manifestation of the power of God? Possibly, I would not ridicule someone who believed so as long as they did not claim to have proven it. In which case I would want evidence.
While I believe that this phenomena could have created everything I don't believe that it had to. Energy is also something which could have existed eternally. The first law of thermodynamics indicates that energy can neither be created or destroyed. The laws of thermodynamics are not stable in microscopic systems therefore can not be used to prove conclusively that energy has always existed but they provide a basis for such belief which has never been falsified.
The second law indicates that if energy has existed eternally and if the laws of thermodynamics apply on a universal scale, then such a universe would not have a stable state it would go through periods of fundamental shifts in its nature.
A simple and commonly understood such shift is the idea of a cyclic universe. Energy expands from a microscopic singularity, in accordance with the first law of thermodynamics it attempts to spread itself evenly throughout the universe. Since gravity is not bound by the laws of thermodynamics, this spread is not uniform and instead spreads in packets bound by gravity. These packets become galaxies, solar systems etc.
In some places gravity pulls the energy(and matter which can result from a change in the state of energy) together tightly enough to form "black holes" that energy other than Hawkings radiation can not escape from. However in most cases the energy continues to escape the counter force of gravity and expand as it will to fill empty space resulting in entropy.
Eventually in accordance with the second law all of the energy not contained in Black holes will have spread to a point of theoretical maximum entropy, i.e it is to diffuse too do any work. This state has been referred to as the "heat death" of the universe. However as Gravity remains as a source of work, this energy will be collected in to the black holes reversing the entropy. The black holes also absorb one another until all that remains is a single massive black hole which compresses itself past its maximum density threshold. At which point all of the stored energy is released explosively in a zero entropy state to begin the next cycle.
This second theory is also consistent with science.
My belief is that one or both of these are the case. Therefore there is no origin, and since no creative intelligence has been established there is no reason to accept that there was a creation event or creator.
Or to give the simple answer that Ray is commonly given. "There was never a time when there was nothing"
This is a video of actors doing dramatic readings of comments posted on fundamentalist message boards. It is funny and a little scary. I have read comments on many blogs and forums that I thought were insane. It is much worse hearing it spoken.
Someone presented this argument as proof of the existence of God.
(1) If there ever was a time when nothing at all existed, then there would be absolutely nothing today. It is an axiomatic truth that if nothing exists, then “nothing” will be the case -always, for nothing simply remains nothing - forever! Nothing plus nothing equals nothing. If there is absolutely nothing but nothing, there cannot ever be something. “Nothing” and “something” -applied to the same object, at the same time - are mutually exclusive terms.
(2) Since it is the case that something does now exist, one must logically conclude that something has existed always. Let us state the matter again: If nothing cannot produce something, and yet something exists, then it follows necessarily that something has existed always. The question then becomes this. What is the “something” that has been in existence always?
(3) In logic, the “law of the excluded middle” states that a thing either is, or it is not. A line either is straight, or it is not straight.
Let us apply this principle to the matter at hand. Something has existed forever. That “something” must be either material in nature, or non-material. If it can be demonstrated that the eternal “something” is not material in nature, then it must follow that the eternal “something” is non-material in nature.
Another term for the “non-material” would be “spirit.” The question now becomes — what does the available evidence reveal? Is it the case that “matter” has existed forever, or does the evidence argue that the eternal “something” is non-matter, i.e., spirit?
(4) The most reputable scientists in the world concede that “matter” is not eternal. In his book, Until the Sun Dies (New York: W.W. Norton, 1977), Dr. Robert Jastrow, founder of NASA’s Goddard Institute for Space Studies, and himself a professed agnostic, describes his perception of the initial creation of the universe. He speaks of that moment when “the first particles of matter appear” (21), thus, prior to that moment, matter did not exist.
Subsequently, he declares emphatically that “modern science denies an eternal existence to the Universe?” (30). There is not a particle of evidence that the universe has existed forever. The very fact that scientists attempt to assign an “age” to the universe is revealing within itself.
(5) In view of the foregoing, namely that something has always existed, and yet that “something” is not of a material nature, the student of logic is irresistibly forced to the conclusion that the “something” that is eternal is non-material — which means it must be “spirit” in its essence. The Scriptures identify that spirit Being as God. “God is spirit?” (Jn. 4:24) — an uncreated, eternal Spirit Being.
I pwned this stupid premise with the following.
Your entire logical chain hinges on the assumption that something that exists eternally must be non material in nature. Therefore if a case can be made showing either that a material thing can exist eternally or that a non natural non material thing can not be shown to exist or a non material thing which is also natural can be shown to exist then your argument fails.
I will do all three.
The first. Can a material thing exist eternally.?
As any discussion of the origin if any of the universe are speculative in nature the words of any expert can not be held as authoritative in the absence of an evidence supported theory, mathematical proof, or at the very least clear consensus. None of these exist to support your premise.
While I am not criticizing the work of Dr. Robert Jastrow. I find no supporting references that indicate he is one of the most reputable scientists in the world.
There may be a case for matter being unable to have existed eternally but the same can not be applied to energy. It is plausible that energy has existed eternally and this has not been refuted.
The first law of thermodynamics states that
Energy can neither be created nor destroyed. It can only change forms. In any process, the total energy of the universe remains the same.
While there is no proof that this would apply in the conditions of a singularity there is also no evidence that it would not. There is only evidence that it might not due to the instability of thermodynamics in microscopic systems.
If the first law is correct and it has not been proven incorrect even in the proposed circumstances. Then energy must have always existed and since energy and matter can transition from one to the other matter can have come from energy.
Contrary to what has been stated by some the second law does not refute the possibility of an eternally existing universe. The laws of thermodynamics do not reference gravity, therefore even in a state of maximum entropy gravity would remain as a source of work which could as an attractor entity reverse or reset entropy. I have previously posted as an example that if the universe had reached "heat death" the energy in an entropic state would be collected by black holes when these black holes had collected all available energy there would be no barrier to them attracting and absorbing other black holes until all had been consolidated in to a universal singularity which contains all of the universes energy at a zero entropy state. When such a singularity reaches its ultimate density threshold it would release this energy back in to the universe to begin accumulating entropy again.
The second. Has a non natural non material thing been shown to exist?
This is much shorter. No non natural non material thing has been demonstrated to exist.
The last: Is there a natural non material thing which has existed eternally and has the ability to create energy and or matter?
There is a natural non material thing that has existed eternally. Space. Space is non material but it is not nothing. It has been shown to have shape and structure and to conform to certain rules. This shows that it is not "nothing" it is something and it is non material.
If space is defined as something and there is an absence of anything material quantum vacuum friction could result. Quantum mechanics demonstrates that quantum vacuum friction can spontaneously create particles. Therefore Space itself is a natural non material thing which has existed eternally and has the potential to create matter or energy.
Therefore your argument fails all three proofs of its accuracy.
At first I had big hopes for the "Tea Parties" I thought they were going to be like the Boston tea party. We would all rise up against the companies getting the bailouts, and trash their stuff. A grand gesture to our corrupt government that we were not going to take them stealing from us to pour money down the throats of their corporate masters.
Unfortunately it turned out to be just a stunt pulled by FOX news and a bunch of right wing douchebag organizations. No plan, no actions, just a handful of people standing around saying me too.
When this country ready to do something to fix itself I will join a real tea party, but I am not going to be a teabagger.
This Article is about a Bunch of FundyTards lobbying advertisers to pull out from Family Guy, because basically it is Dirty and Atheistic. As a dirty atheist I object and encourage everyone else to object also.
The bitching christofascists in question provide This form to send E-mail to the CEOs and VPs of Sprint-Nextel (Boost Mobile), Unilever (Axe), Brinker International (Chilis Grill), KIA (Spectra), Yum Brands (Taco Bell), Volkswagen, Southern Ford Dealers, Amscot and Pepsi (Mountain Dew) but it may be that they delete any that don't support them.
I am also going to send my own E-mails to the advertisers.
I hope to start blogging soon but for now I am just getting started, I am also a bit intoxicated. That is entirely due to the best part of a bottle of good wine that accompanied an amazing dinner. I butchered up a beef tenderloin and grilled it over charcoal with salt pepper and smoked paprika. I also had some skewers of shrimp, and some skewers of vegetables tomatoes, mushrooms, and pearl onions. I am sure I am the only one who cares about my dinner but as I said I am a bit drunk.
Anyway once I am in full possession of my faculties I will have something to put up on my blog.